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If Aliens Discovered Netflix

“Mum, what’s this on the 4D Slide Screen?”

“I don’t know, Squegtrill. It is probably picking up residual nova frequencies again.”

“Kwelgrup’s did this too. They had to get a new one, a 5D V.2 Switchback. They’re so new, all the celebrities have them. And not too expensive either.”

“We’ve had this discussion, Squegtrill. We aren’t getting a new screen until Sandy is 400. Sandy’s still got 54 Slarks to go.”

“Yeah, I know. Hey, what’s this say? ‘Pretty Little Liars?’”

“I don’t know. Try scrolling through.”

“This one says ‘Orange is the New Black.’ Looks like Uncle Grigflep’s house. But with aliens.”

“Where’s all the usual programming gone?”

“I dunno. Hey, this one’s called ‘Phineas and Ferb.’ The pictures are all… wibbly wobbly.”

“Try turning it off and on again.”

“Okay. Wait, this isn’t the usual start up menu! What’s it say? ‘Netflix?’”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s broken.”

“You know, Kwelgrup’s Slide Screen broke too, and they just bought a 5D V.2 Switchback…”

 

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humour, Uncategorized

Alternate Swears

  • cuss
  • darn
  • heck
  • goodness
  • shut the front door
  • gosh dang it
  • stone the flaming crows
  • golly
  • oh pish
  • what the actual heckfire
  • friggin’ friggin’
  • pants

Be classy with your swears, kids.

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Uncategorized

Mistake

I made a mistake today. My funniest one yet.

Apparently, dishwashers require different detergent to the detergent one would usually use to hand wash dishes. This was not clear to me when I squirted copious amounts of dishwashing detergent into the dishwasher today.

I turned around when someone said, “I think you put too much detergent in.”

White, fluffy bubbles were streaming out of the dishwasher through the crack at the bottom of the door. They were everywhere.

It was highly amusing. I’ll never be allowed to forget it.

It’ll be a good story to tell the grandkids someday, I’m sure.

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#notallbedbugs

I think bedbugs are misunderstood.

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite! You’ll get a rash and die,” we are warned.

Funny, because I don’t think a bedbug would fancy being bitten by you, either.

Maybe they’re hungry. Maybe they’re lonely.

Maybe we just need to be more compassionate towards things we’ve heard about but don’t really understand.

This is a lot less about actual bedbugs than originally intended.

Anyhow. Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite. Or do let them bite, I don’t know, it’s your life.

Or we could all stop making sweeping generalisations about large and diverse communities that cannot possibly be represented by a small minority that may not even exist at all. Maybe not all bedbugs are bad.

#notallbedbugs

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I’ve Found My Secret Talent

I’ve been searching for a while.

My older sister Beanz is freaky good at bowling.

One of my guy friends can do three pullups, no training or anything.

My (not so) secret talent is swinging.

Like on swings.

At the park.

(My other secret is that I’m actually a four year old on the inside.)

I’ve always loved playing on the swings. I learnt the most effective manouvre for optimal height when I was five. Tried it out a few days ago – I still got it.

Do you have a secret talent?

Xx Loony

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