Uncategorized

If Aliens Discovered Netflix

“Mum, what’s this on the 4D Slide Screen?”

“I don’t know, Squegtrill. It is probably picking up residual nova frequencies again.”

“Kwelgrup’s did this too. They had to get a new one, a 5D V.2 Switchback. They’re so new, all the celebrities have them. And not too expensive either.”

“We’ve had this discussion, Squegtrill. We aren’t getting a new screen until Sandy is 400. Sandy’s still got 54 Slarks to go.”

“Yeah, I know. Hey, what’s this say? ‘Pretty Little Liars?’”

“I don’t know. Try scrolling through.”

“This one says ‘Orange is the New Black.’ Looks like Uncle Grigflep’s house. But with aliens.”

“Where’s all the usual programming gone?”

“I dunno. Hey, this one’s called ‘Phineas and Ferb.’ The pictures are all… wibbly wobbly.”

“Try turning it off and on again.”

“Okay. Wait, this isn’t the usual start up menu! What’s it say? ‘Netflix?’”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s broken.”

“You know, Kwelgrup’s Slide Screen broke too, and they just bought a 5D V.2 Switchback…”

 

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Uncategorized

20 Songs, 2 Days

I have a gig.

Jokes. I’m playing my parent’s Christmas party. I’m getting paid in chicken wings.

But I do still have to learn the songs.

22. And I’m going on camp next week, so I have this weekend to learn them.

The intense bass shredding may cause my fingers to fall off.

Wish me luck.

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humour, Uncategorized

Alternate Swears

  • cuss
  • darn
  • heck
  • goodness
  • shut the front door
  • gosh dang it
  • stone the flaming crows
  • golly
  • oh pish
  • what the actual heckfire
  • friggin’ friggin’
  • pants

Be classy with your swears, kids.

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Uncategorized

Not The Dog

As a self-acclaimed book nerd
I will read almost anything
Fantasy, sci-fi, romance, comedy, horror
I enjoy all these genres in varying amounts

And I have amassed a great deal of respect for authors in general
Writing a book is hard and not for everyone
And so I accept that whomever I am reading the works of
Has poetic licence to do as they wish

And on the whole this is quite alright
I’m usually not too mad by the end

But for goodness sake
The one thing you must never, ever do
Not if you want me to read your books
Not if you want me to not hate you

Absolutely never is it alright
To kill off the dog

The protagonist, the girlfriend, the misunderstood villain
Sure

But never

EVER

NOT EVER NEVER

Not the dog.

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Uncategorized

Mistake

I made a mistake today. My funniest one yet.

Apparently, dishwashers require different detergent to the detergent one would usually use to hand wash dishes. This was not clear to me when I squirted copious amounts of dishwashing detergent into the dishwasher today.

I turned around when someone said, “I think you put too much detergent in.”

White, fluffy bubbles were streaming out of the dishwasher through the crack at the bottom of the door. They were everywhere.

It was highly amusing. I’ll never be allowed to forget it.

It’ll be a good story to tell the grandkids someday, I’m sure.

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