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Mine: What Isn’t

I don’t think I’ve ever known for sure who I am.

I know that I’m short. Reasonably intelligent. Good at soccer. Bad at bowling.

But intrinsically, I’ve never really known. And that never really bothered me until now.

As my recent English studies so kindly pointed out, who I think I am doesn’t matter – what matters is everything else around me.

Supposedly, I am the TV show I watch when I’m procrastinating. I am the people I surround myself with so as not to be alone. I am the brand of deodorant I refuse to go without.

I am a product of my surroundings. A product of my context.

The first thing that really scares me is that middle word.

Product.

‘Product’ suggests that I am a commodity. ‘Product’ suggests that I exist to be manipulated and exploited. ‘Product’ suggests that none of me means anything.

The second thing that scares me is the tiny attention span of today’s society. That I’m disposable. That one day, the world will be done with me. That one day, I’ll try my absolute hardest to succeed at whatever it is I’m doing and be met with a simple, monotone “Next.”

In a world where we are all facing the same pressures – the media, the politicians, the economy – how much of me is really unique?

Everything about me – my adamant opinions, my choices, my actions, however well considered and meticulously planned – is a conglomerate of everything around me. It’s all me, but none of it is mine. That’s the third thing that scares me, and the worst.

What if none of me is mine?

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The Deep Stuff.

Hiya!!

So, I decided that it’s time.. for everyone to hear the truth about me. The real secrets, the defining elements of my personality. I present, my opinions on the deep stuff.

Peanut butter? In terms of style, crunchy is the only acceptable choice. Smooth is just too processed, I think. All the peanut bits are what makes peanut butter real, you know? *wipes away tear* Heavily applied to toast or a sandwich is good, and strawberry jam is recommended.

Rainy days? Are the best. Gives me a good excuse to curl up with PJs, hot chocolate and a good book. The sound is so therapeutic and the smell is coziness, personified.

Time travel? See, I was talking to someone the other day who has just come back from holiday and they were explaining to me how, because of time difference, they hadn’t lived December 23rd. At all. And so I figured, when we develop time travel, this friend could travel back to December 23rd without stuffing everything up by killing themselves or whatever. The theory is pretty good, but you couldn’t use time travel to fix a bad event unless you’d lost a day to time difference travel, which is unlikely. Hmmmm.

Onesies? Love them! I’ve never actually owned one of the store-bought animal ones, because my mum sews mine. They’re awesome! I’m wearing my newest one at the moment actually, which is stripy :) 

Avocado? This is my current favourite food. I love avos. They rock. I like them especially in guacamole, or on toast with Vegemite.

Tell me your deep stuff!

Xx Loony

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